begin (life without her) again
by michellejjones
Summary: Dressed in a brown pinstriped suit, fake spectacles resting upon her nose, a brown wig hiding the blond hair he's so accustomed to dreaming of, and all this covered up by a trench coat that kisses white converse. It's a spot-on costume. Honestly, he wouldn't have recognized Rose Tyler if it hadn't been for her award-winning grin. [DoctorxRose. Oneshot.]


**Last fic in the series I've been doing based on Taylor Swift's album, _Red._ This one, the final piece, is based on the song _Begin Again._**

 **Disclaimer:** **I do not own _Doctor Who,_ or the _Red_ album.**

 **Title:** **begin (life without her) again.**

 **Summary:** **Dressed in a brown pinstriped suit, fake spectacles resting upon her nose, a brown wig hiding the blond hair he's so accustomed to dreaming of, and all this covered up by a trench coat that kisses white converse. It's a spot-on costume. Shame no one but the hand-picked know who she is.** **Honestly, he wouldn't have recognized Rose Tyler if it hadn't been for her award-winning grin. [DoctorxRose. Oneshot.]**

 **WARNING:** **I wanted to make it sort of Halloween-y, so Rose is in costume. Oh, and the ship is Eleventh Doctor x Rose. Have fun with that.**

* * *

 **begin (life without her) again.**

 **by clarabella wandering.**

 _"You pull my chair out and help me in,  
and you don't know how nice that is;  
but I_ do."  
 **~Taylor Swift, _Begin Again._**

* * *

He isn't expecting this.

Or, rather, he isn't expecting _her._ Dressed in a brown pinstriped suit, fake spectacles resting upon her nose, a brown wig hiding the blond hair he's so accustomed to dreaming of, and all this covered up by a trench coat that kisses white converse. It's a spot-on costume. Shame no one but the hand-picked know who she is.

Honestly, he wouldn't have recognized Rose Tyler if it hadn't been for her award-winning grin.

He's stopped in a coffee shop in the Barnabas Galaxy, dying for some tea. The TARDIS needed to recharge anyway, so it cost him nothing.

Or so he thought.

He doesn't know why she's dressed like that until he realizes that this particular planet -Nomerloos- celebrates a festival called _Aid ed sol Sotreum,_ or Day of the Dead, and Rose Tyler has always enjoyed blending in. It's what attracted him to her; her love of cultures but disability to blend in. She was always too beautiful, too _clever,_ to quite fit in. He closed his eyes to block out her presence and the memories that threatened to override his otherwise thorough mind.

 _("I only take the best._ _I got Rose.")_

He heaves a sigh, and the Doctor (eleventh regeneration, but it's still him) turns to leave. He doesn't want to get caught in a situation, though he remembers this planet, now, and Rose's insistence to take one of his suits and stop by the TARDIS' extensive supply of wigs. He'd let her -albeit, begrudgingly- because she was Rose, and it was harmless, anyway.

As he turns to leave the shop, now, (that cuppa would have to wait, it seems) something fateful happens.

The Doctor, destroyer of worlds, the oncoming storm, bringer of darkness, trips.

His own foot topples over the other, sending him flying into a nearby booth, food covering him from hair to waist. He grimaces, getting up as gracefully as one can from the lap of a gentlemen who seems very frustrated with him, and begins to apologise at a rapid speed.

The man is having none of it. He calls the waitress over, shoots the Doctor the equivalent of Earth's _the finger,_ and gestures towards the door. The Doctor sighs, walking slowly towards the door. Bossing around Daleks, he can do. An angry old man? Not so much. After all, he _is_ one.

The door jingles as he walks out, and he is oblivious to someone calling after him until he feels a tug on his suspenders. He turns, straining to keep his face indifferent as he comes face-to-hairline with the Doctor.

When he meets the Doctor's eyes, however, he realizes it's _her,_ and feels a dizziness overtake him. All these years, and he can't shake the feeling she gives him. It's always been a legend that Time Lords only fell in love once. He'd always thought it just that, though, a legend. Until.

Until he met her.

Before her, there'd been thoughtless crushes and a few wives, but nothing serious. After her, there'd been another wife, one he didn't understand but admired nonetheless. He'd experimented in moving on with her, attempted to forget the pink and yellow human he belonged to, but could not. Wife or not, he never loved River Song as much as she deserved, and he hated himself for that.

Rose Tyler grins at him, now, not a speck of recognition in her eyes, the brown wig shifted a bit from her run. "Mate?" She asks him, and he starts at her voice. "You okay?"

"What?" He asks. He sounds breathless, but at the moment he can't help himself.

She clarifies, "That bloke took a real swing at you. Like he's never seen anyone trip before, yea'?"

The Doctor finally shakes off his surprise. A shaky laugh crosses his lips, and he tugs nervously on his bowtie. "It was a very... interesting moment, yes."

She holds forward a plate full of something crispy and yellow. When he registers it as chips, he can't bite back his grin. "Want some?"

She must really feel sorry for him, then, because Rose Tyler _never_ shared her chips. "Please," He says, and reaches for some.

"Walk with me?" She glances at him, and the inquiry burns him.

To walk, or not to walk.

To take one last stroll with the woman of his dreams, or to go back to his blue box and pretend he's alright. He glances at his watch, remembering how his old self got lost on the way back to the coffee house and took about an hour to find Rose.

He's got time.

So, the Doctor, against his better judgement, allows Rose Tyler (dressed as the Doctor) to slip her arm 'round his, and they walk into the festival that is _Aid_ _ed sol Sotreum._

* * *

They talk about interesting things, and he plays the part of an interested civilian, as she leads them through crowds, her arm burning against his. As they walk towards the food court, she suddenly lets out a large gasp. "Blimey, I just realized I never introduced myself. I'm Rose Tyler, dressed as the Doctor for today. And you are?"

The Doctor grimaces, deflecting the question away for a bit, "Who's the Doctor?"

A small grin overtakes her face, and she looks down at her shoes. "A friend."

"Special?"

"Yea'."

The Doctor looks down, too, hoping she won't catch the gaze that is captured on his face. "Ah. Well, he's a lucky man, Ms. Tyler."

She giggles, and they resume walking. "What's your name?" She again prods.

Thinking fast, the Doctor blurts out, "John Smith!"

Rose's face doesn't change, but he sees the look in her eyes, the cleverness of her mind working. She hasn't figured him out yet, but if they keep talking, his cover will be blown. Really, though? He asks himself. _On an_ _alien planet, he chooses to call himself John Smith?_

He doesn't know what he was thinking. Really.

"Well, John, would you excuse me for a moment? This wig is a bit itchy, I think I'm going to change before we resume our walk." She leaves him smiling, standing by a stand that sells fried ladybugs. He sees her walk into a younger TARDIS and grimaces. He shouldn't be standing so close to it. He should leave while she's in there.

But as he tries to move, her smile holds him back. He's so lonely now, now that Amy and Rory aren't around so much, now that River doesn't come along as often. The laugh lingers over him, wrapping him up and refusing to let him go.

"John?" It doesn't register that his 'name' has been called three times until Rose pokes him. "You okay? You look a little dreamy, mate."

"Hmm?" He asks, and allows her to link arms with him again, as is the tradition of the planet. "Sorry. Thinking about the past. Nostalgic old me, yeah?" She's changed into the outfit that he (his past self) took her to a riverside restaurant in. A light blue skirt -rarely did she wear them, but he loved it when she did- with a TARDIS blue top. She still wore the converse, but her wig had been discarded.

"You, Ms. Tyler," He says, "Look like a completely different person."

"Good?" She inquires.

"Beautiful." He grins.

"I almost wore pink and yellow, but decided against it. Too much of a good thing is dangerous, yea'?" Rose lets him know.

The Doctor grins towards the floor. "Wouldn't want the pink and yellow human to upset the balance of the universe, now." He agrees, but when he sees her shocked expression he bites his tongue, realizing he's said too much.

"How did you know-"

"That you're human?" The Doctor finishes, thinking fast. "Well, I'm a doctor. Doctor John Smith. PhD of the universe. Your body shape, and face shape, are the first part of the puzzle, but then, you could also be a subspecies, I suppose. The second hint is your accent. You've got an English accent from the late 20th and early 21st century. That way of speaking died down centuries ago, so that's there's that. The next one is that I took your pulse. Force of habit, sorry. One heart. Definitely human." He takes a breath, knowing he's been found out, because she is, after all, Rose Tyler, the girl who can see right through him.

A long pause.

And then she kisses him.

He's very surprised at first, hands flailing and not sitting still, senses heightened by her closeness, but it's a welcome affection, and he returns the gesture. When she pulls away, she laughs at his confused expression. "You _are_ the Doctor, right? I didn't just kiss a random stranger?"

The Doctor nods, very slowly. "I'm him. Him is me. We are the same. One and only-"

"Future regeneration, then?" Rose asks.

He nods, slowly.

She looks him up and down for the first time, taking in the tweed and the bowtie and nose and forehead. "Still beautiful. Couldn't be anything else, you. Stubborn and beautiful are the things that never leave you, yea'?"

He knows what she's implying; if stubborn and beautiful are the only things that never leave, then that means _she_ does. He wants to tell her it's not true, but Rose Tyler hates being lied to, so he nods again, choking down the unfairness.

"I see." Is all she says. And then, she reaches up to kiss his temple, running her fingers through his hair and whispering, "It's okay."

And the Doctor, because he can't help it, cries.

* * *

They walk to a park and she pulls a chair out for him. He doesn't laugh, though it's kind of amusing, because the gesture is very sweet, and no one's ever done that before. Rose Tyler is simply being her, nice and human, unknowingly touching his hearts. He starts to tell her how it happens, how she leaves, but she shakes her head. "You can't." She looks so disappointed at her own words, sitting on his lap, hugging him and massaging his back and making him feel better the way only she does. "You know you can't."

"Rose Tyler, keeping me in line since day one." He looks towards the sky, and she gently takes his hands in hers. "I'm in love you, you know." If there's one thing he's happy about, it's that this regeneration has no fear of admitting emotions.

She nods. "After all the years you've spent without me?"

He grimaces, and she kisses each hand. "Especially then."

They sit in silence for a few minutes, before Rose looks at him with the eyes of someone who cares, "Why are you alone, Doctor?"

He doesn't answer at first, not until she stares him down. "I have a family. Not related to me, of course, but they're like a family. Amelia Pond and Rory Williams. They're married. I don't like to bother them. This is too dangerous for a married couple."

"Did you ask them?" Rose prods.

"Ask them what?"

She gives him a look, "If they didn't want to come along. Did you?"

The Doctor closes his eyes, running a hand through his hair and cradling her against his chest. "I can't. How do you ask someone if they want to give up the universe? They'd never do it."

"Oh, Doctor." Rose cups his face in her hands. "Don't make decisions for other people. It's not the universe they don't want to give up. It's _you."_

His face changes from complete helplessness to complete confusion in .5 seconds. "What?" He asks.

"If you're as close as you say you are, then they'd give up the universe just to spend Christmas with you. Go to them, Doctor. Don't throw away their lives because you think you know what's best."

He's slightly offended. "I'm one thousand and-"

"-I don't care, Doctor!" Rose's tone of voice is firm, the onl _y_ voice to ever make him change his mind. "I don't give a damn how old you are, okay? You're in love with me, I'm in love with you. You love these people, and they love you. It sounds to me like they didn't make this decision by choice. You forced 'em. It's not right, it isn't."

He looks down, because he hates it when he's wrong, but knows he is. Her voice drifts over to him as she raises his head to meet her eyes. "Because I love you," She murmurs. "I'm telling you to do this."

He swears he will, even though he's lying, and she knows he is, but stops annoying him anyway. The Doctor tells her about River Song (her face hardens a bit; she's the jealous type, but is happy for him anyway, until he states he doesn't really love her), and the Pandorica. He tells her about how he and Amy met, and how he helped plan their wedding (kind of. She laughs at that). When he looks down at his watch, he realizes it's been almost an hour and a half. Past him is about to stumble onto a hover board that takes him to Rose. She's sitting on the chair where he is when he finds her.

"I have to go." He whispers into her ear, tying back the tears. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be, Doctor. I like spending time with you." She kisses his temple.

"And I you." He kisses her cheek, and when they kiss each other on the lips, it doesn't feel out of place, but just right.

He disentangles himself from her, sighing deeply. "Go back to your Doctor, eh? Have fun."

She tilts her head at him, "All of you are my Doctors. No matter who, as long as we're together, in the TARDIS, we're okay."

The words strike a chord in him, and he lifts a hand to wipe the tears away. "The Doctor. And Rose Tyler. In the TARDIS."

She gives him a hug. It feels like the most intimate, most solemn thing in the universe. "As it should be."

He waves, murmuring _love you_ into her ear, and her murmuring _watch yourself_ into his. He's almost out of earshot when she calls him back. "Doctor?" She yells.

"Yes?" He's confused; has he forgotten something?

Instead, she points to the bowtie sitting on his chest. "Love the bowtie."

He chuckles towards the sky; he always knew she'd like it. "Bowties," he yells back, "are cool."

They wave towards each other, grins cascading their faces, and as the Doctor walks towards his TARDIS, he decides that the day he's spent with her is better than the hundreds of days he's spent trying to begin life without her again. Better to remember her, to live the life she'd want him to live, than to forget the pink and yellow human who taught him what it was like to live, to breathe.

He looks back to see his past self give Rose a hug, finally finding her. Over his shoulder, Rose gives him a tiny grin.

The Doctor walks on.

* * *

 _"I've been spending the last eight months,  
thinking all love ever does is  
break, and burn, and end.  
But on a Wednesday,  
in a cafe;  
I watched it begin_ again."  
 **~Taylor Swift, _Begin Again._**

* * *

 **I hope y'all enjoyed the read! Reviews are welcome and definitely wanted.**


End file.
